There is a lot to my story and who I am that I don't typically share, not because it's not important, but because it's in the past and it's not who I am or who I want to be anymore...But as I sit here trying to put into words what I want to say, it's so much harder than I imagined. so here goes nothing...
Part 1 - Toxic Relationships...(this took place in 2014/2015, so please keep in mind it was a couple years ago)
Growing up, I never knew what career I wanted to go into, but what I did know was that I just wanted to be a mama and a wife someday and have that fairytale life. Even to this day, I work my butt of in my coaching business to have a life of freedom with my future family. But what i've learned is that you definitely have to go through 1, 2, or a million toads before you can end up with prince charming (I think? still waiting on that one hahah)
If you follow me on social media, you already know that I used to be overweight, unhappy, and unhealthy. During my weight loss journey, I gained so much more than I lost - I gained happiness, health, confidence, and the ability to be ME and I was SO happy with who I had become. My outlook on life and attitude completely changed.
After about a year of working and focusing on myself, I found myself wanting to share my new found happiness and excitement for life with someone else. I started "dating""seeing"(whatever you want to call it) a guy, but let me tell you - looks, first dates, and and maybe even second dates can be oh so deceiving. Some days together were great, others were the worst days of my life. I should have known to walk away the second he said "you're really going to eat that tortilla? don't gain weight like all of my exes" as we were out do dinner and as he was stuffing his face with wings and made me feel guilty for eating a wrap.
If that wasn't enough, you would think that a friend finding him on tinder would be enough. Or that being yelled at for not parking in the front row at a grocery store would be enough. Or that the constant name calling and putting me down would be enough(with my favorite name I was called being "class A bitch cunt"), Or that the compulsive lying to to me would be enough. Or that telling me i'm nothing would be enough. Or that receiving a print out from your parents of the definition of an emotionally abusive relationship and how I was in one would be enough. Or that being pushed so hard you fall on the ground would be enough (mom - if you're reading this, i'm sorry I never told you this part and that I didn't leave). I was in an abusive relationship and I was in denial. I kept thinking that it would stop, that tomorrow would be better, that it was just that one time and it wouldn't happen again. (side note - people like this DO NOT change, it will happen again and again and again)
Every day I woke up saying "this is the day I will get out" and I think I woke up saying that a million times before I actually did. I don't know how I finally got the courage to get out of that relationship, but I thank god every day that I did. My heart was breaking for myself the longer and longer I stayed. My hope is that if any of you are in a relationship like this one, PLESAE do yourself a favor and leave. You are better than that, you WILL find happiness, and you are SO deserving and worth loving. LOVE and RESPECT yourself enough to leave. As much as I regret every day that I was in this relationship, I'm happy that it taught me everything that I don't want for myself and my future.
Imagine what your life will look like when you find the perfect person to spend forever with. Imagine the laughs and singing together on road trips. Imagine the smell of your favorite breakfast cooking for you in the morning. Imagine the adventures you will have. Imagine your first house together. Imagine that feeling when he finally comes home from work at the end of the day. Imagine waking up to your favorite smile for the rest of your life. Imagine everything you've ever wanted. Don't settle, I promise it will be worth it...I know what i want and what I'm worth, and I hope you do as well <3
TO BE CONTINUED...
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